Saturday, July 13, 2013

How to Make Online Dating Your Own Version of the Bachelorette

Generally, I try to keep an open mind, so when it came to trying online dating, I tried to be as open as I could. After a lot of thought, a few bad dates, and one good date, I've decided the best way to look at online dating as your very own version of the Bachelorette. That way, it becomes much more fun and takes some of the awkward pressure off.

Initially, one of my girlfriends in L.A. told me I had to try it. She had recently moved to L.A. and was looking to meet new people so she signed up for the site and it was going well. She was really excited about it so I decided to give it a go since I knew she wasn't going to quit talking about it until I tried it. 

Online dating is much more daunting than I had initially imagined. First, you have to create a username that no one else has (which makes the whole thing seem very 2001). Second, you create a profile describing yourself and trying to make yourself sound as attractive and mysterious and awesome as possible (Okay, I didn't give it that much thought, but trust me, some do). Anyway, you finish uploading the best photos of yourself and away you go, diving off a long platform into the world of free online dating.

Yikes. 

I've had the profile for nearly two months, and it is still unbelievable to me the way people present themselves. Almost ALL guys have at least one shirtless photo of themselves, they all think they are the "athletic" body type (most are not), and the things they come up with to use to talk to girls is unbelievable. Calling someone a "racist" in the third message (because I hadn't responded to the other two), isn't going to win you any more points in the prince charming category, sorry buddy. 

During my time thus far in online dating land, I have managed to meet up with a small handful of hopeful suitors, none of which have worked out, until recently.

Bachelor #1: Nice guy, slightly older, has a good job, means well, seems happy.
Unfortuantely I was not attracted to his Kayne West look alike facial features, nor his womanly, but relatively fit figure. Because this was my first date using the site, I got stuck talking to him for nearly three hours at a lousy sports bar. I felt bad just trying to bail, but after three hours I learned my lesson. Unless you feel a spark, bail as fast as you can. 

Bachelor #2: Oh, My, God. 

And not in the good way.

I met this guy at the food court at the Beverly Center mall. He apparently owned one of the resturants in the food court (yes, where Panda Express is), and thought it would be a good idea to meet there. I had already moved the date once, and so had did he, so I wasn't super excited to meet up with him, because it seemed like a bit of a hassle. Did I mention his name was Romeo? I'm not kidding. It should have been the one and only red flag before I wasted any more of my time. But because I was attempting to keep an open mind and have a little fun, I went for it.

Not only did this guy come out of the back room wearing a less than impressive outfit, baseball hat, and glasses, but he sat down and immediately started talking about himself and his work. He didn't even bother to ask me how my day was. Really bro? Confused, I asked him if he had any interest in getting to know me and he suggested we go outside and talk so he wouldn't be so distracted by his cafe. Fair enough. However, there is nothing romantic or comfortable about going outside, on the roof of the Beverly Center at 7 p.m. on a windy day to talk to a stranger. Freezing, we sit down at a table with four chairs. I expected him to sit in the chair across from me, so we could see eachother better and maybe have a real converstaion. How wrong I was. Instead, he sat down at the chair next to me, so we are both facing East L.A. in what felt like 60 seconds of awkward silence. 

I debated getting up and leaving right there but part of me still felt like he deserved the benefit of the doubt (clearly the part of my brain that hasn't fully developed yet). So I sit, staring at the smog, and he says to me, "I read palms." Oh great, so you don't know anything about me, and don't seem to care, but you want to read my palm and tell me about how you think you know me? Sounds great. 

He's reading my palm, telling me I'm going to live to be at least 100, that my luck is improving, that I will quit working when I am 45, and that I have had bad luck in relationships. Nothing too drastic, but then he took it all one step further....he told me I probably have a lot of people tell me I look like my father. Keep in mind he doesn't know my last name, any of my social media, or seen either of my parents, so naturally my response was, "oh, so you think I look like a man?"

He babbled for awhile about how he didn't mean it like that but at this point I was trying to figure out a way to come down with the plague in a matter of minutes. Sitting in silence yet again, he says, "You know this silence that we have been having since we started talking?" I nod. He says, "Don't you think it's comforting? I find it very comforting."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW!?

Shocked, yet again, I respond, "To be honest, I think it's very awkward and I am very uncomfortable."

I don't think he was thrilled with that answer, and I was ready to leave.

Some small talk followed my awkward silence comment and eventually I told him that I felt like I was wasting his time and to try and give me a call in a couple of weeks if he thinks his work has slowed down. Romeo was way too involved in his own stuff to give anything to another person, he didn't look like his photo in his profile, and there was no way I was going to pick up the phone if Romeo ever tried to call me again. Unless it's the Romeo that Leo DiCaprio played. That call I'd answer.

At this point, I've met up with five guys from the dating website. After meeting the fourth guy I was pretty much ready to give up on the whole thing and go back to trying to meet someone organically. Until one day, I got the nicest message from a guy that looked halfway sane. Refreshed, we started talking and have gone out a couple of times and it's been a lot of fun. I know I haven't met up with 20-some guys like Des on the Bachelorette, but I feel her pain on trying to weed through men and finding out who was sincere and who was totally disgusting.

Overall, I have become much more accepting of online dating and I think it's only going to become more popular. If you're willing to weed through the truly crazy and take your time, it's a tool that could bring you great success. So all you lonely hearts out there, don't lose hope just yet, try it out. At the very least you will have a great story or two or find the guy or gal of your dreams! You never know when lightning could strike.