Ha, Ha, Ha. Oh, my life.
A manicure and pedicure with my fabulous mother to start off the day, things were off to a smooth start. We hopped over puddles in our sweats to do some last minute costume shopping before our big night out, when the mayhem would begin.
Before our Halloween Saturday night really got started, we attended a Nike/Doernbecher Children's Hospital Charity event in the city. It's an event we go to every year and a great thing for kids. The event chooses six kids from the hospital with various illnesses and pair them up with a Nike footwear designer to create a one of a kind shoe that shows off the child's life and personality.
It's a fantastic project that brings in lots of money for the hospital every year, and a touching event to kick off the holiday season. Each child touches your heart in a different way.
But our night didn't end there, and what happened after definitely wasn't touching.
After the party, we changed in the bathroom and headed out to two Halloween parties in our extravagant, but random costumes. We snuck out to the car without anyone from the charity event seeing us, but I'm not sure how they didn't notice...my mom was wearing a cape.
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| Photo credit: Maria Bruggere |
Halloween party number only consisted of a few old friends and a great hummus and pita spread. It was good to see some old friends, but the party was starting to wind down when we got there, so Mom called the limo she had arranged to take us to the next party.
My friend and I didn't know anyone at the second party we were headed to but just decided to go with the flow, not that we had that much choice. Upon entering the party, the first people I spotted when we walked in were a very tall man dressed as a sultan and a female belly dancer with great abs and a veil over her mouth. Their costumes were great. Actually, all of the costumes at the party were great and it was also full of people who were 30 an older, so not really anyone I could relate to. Too many couples costumes.
My mom and her friends wandered off to get into trouble and my friend and I decided to post up in a corner and watch the action. That's when a man with an accent in a dark grey pinstriped suit and fedora approached us. We made the usual (he was drunk) small talk with him and then he started to ramble on about all sorts of things we couldn't understand. Entertained, we didn't hate it.
That's when his supposed "roommate" walked up to us in a homemade costume (he didn't even know what he was) and started talking to us as well. Roughly five minutes after that, a woman dressed as a flapper walked up to us, but didn't really say anything and kept looking at my friend and I. So I turned to her and jokingly said, "Do you know this guy?" and pointed to Mr. Pinstripes. His roommate goes, "Yeah he does, that's his wife!"
Ehhh....what?
She didn't seem pleased, nor did she seem upset, and eventually walked away. At some point the other two guys did too, and my friend and I made our way to the couch on the other side of the room.
However, it wasn't long before Pinstripes made his way back over to us. This time he meant business. He was really trying hard to flirt with both of us and we did nothing but laugh. "The belly dancer is attracted to me," he said.
"That's because she is a swinger," I replied. I figured he knew this. I knew this and I didn't hardly know a single person at this party. Not that it was hard to figure out. They were like two lions looking for zebras. Apparently that freaked Pinstripes out and wasn't something he was interested in.
"How about we all go to the basement," he then said.
I look at my friend, she looks at me, and we both say back to him, "So you aren't interested in this swinger chick but you want to take us to some dark, cold room when your wife is at the same party?"
Apparently he did.
I know he was drunk, but I think he may in fact be stupid as well.
He was really serious about the three of us going somewhere. I knew my friend probably hadn't been in a situation like this before (and let's be honest neither have I, but people have asked me some pretty interesting things over the years that I have quickly turned down), but we couldn't do much else but laugh. There was no way this was ever going to happen, even if the world was ending tomorrow. For starters, the both of us were too and also just plain not interested.
Minutes that felt like years went by and he wasn't giving it up. The belly dancer moved through the background behind him, still lingering for her prey. A red head dressed as Eve passed out on the couch next to me, and time just seemed to go on and on.
Then, finally, his wife shows up again. Thank you God. She was quicker to call him out on his drunkenness this time and also didn't act surprised, which meant that it must happen a lot. He was not eager to get up and follow her out. Not quick at all. He kept staring at me, and I'm staring at his wife, and she's looking and me and looking at him. It was so awkward at this point I nearly escorted him out because he just wasn't getting up.
After that was over, I realized I still had fear that the swingers were coming after me next. Not long after that, Mom realized we were ready to go, so my friend and I got a head start to the limo. We get in and guess who follows us, the Sultan Swinger and a dude dressed as a female cheerleader.
Not funny at this point.
We quickly looked at each other and non-verbally communicated that we hoped this wouldn't end bad. The swinger dude was in the car! Holy crap.
Finally, the correct people got into the car and we headed home, but not before my mom realized she left her house key in her car that was still in the city, therefore defeating the purpose of a limo.
To end it all, I didn't get home until 4:30 in the morning.
It's safe to say the next Halloween party I go to will be with people I actually know.
Lessons learned: Just because he doesn't have a wedding ring on doesn't mean his wife isn't lingering somewhere in the same room. And just because you are at a friend of a friends house, it doesn't mean that they don't have friends that swing.
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